Over the past few months, I’ve experienced a few deals that didn’t quite come together, but what stood out wasn’t the loss. It was the lesson: in-person beats everything. Every time.
There’s a certain magic that happens when you physically show up, whether it’s a meeting, a coffee, or just a quick face-to-face conversation. And while nothing officially closed from those moments, the relationships, understanding, and long-term opportunities that grew from them were significant.
In person > phone call > email.
This simple hierarchy has become my guiding principle in business, and in a world that has sprinted towards digital-first communication, I believe it’s more important than ever.
The Post-Pandemic Shift
The pandemic proved that many things are possible remotely. We can close deals, hold meetings, and collaborate across continents from our homes. But as we’ve settled into this “new normal,” I think the pendulum has swung too far toward digital convenience.
Pre-pandemic, it was understood that to close a significant deal, you got on a plane. It was never easy (it cost time, money, and involved trade-offs), but it was simply what you had to do. Now, it’s a choice. And faced with a choice between convenience and effort, the easier path often wins.
This isn’t laziness, but people are underestimating the outsized value that showing up in person provides. We’ve created an environment where the default (Zoom) is so easy that meeting for coffee feels hard.
Why In-Person Creates Deeper Connections
Recently, I was working on a deal with an older gentleman. We’d had a few phone calls, but I requested a breakfast meeting. What was scheduled as a one-hour coffee meeting stretched to three hours. We talked mostly life, not just business. We wove through personal and professional topics, sharing histories and future aspirations. By the end, I knew the man, not just the business. He knew me too.
That depth of connection can’t be scheduled or rushed. Digital platforms, by their nature, end up being more transactional. Phone calls and video meetings are calendared with hard stops built in. But when you’re meeting someone in person, you’re not booking something immediately after.
More importantly, when you’re sitting at a table with someone, drinking coffee and letting the conversation go where it needs to go, something fundamentally different happens. There’s no artificial endpoint imposed.
Physical presence carries information that simply can’t be transmitted through a screen. You see gestures, feel energy, and experience the full presence of another person. If a good conversation feeds your soul, you’re not going to be in a hurry to get up from it. When you’re engaged in meaningful conversation, you forget about the calendar and your phone.
What We’ve Lost
At our core, humans are social beings. Yet, Americans are lonelier than ever, spending time with fewer people and staring at phones more. We’ve lost what is thought of as the “second space” (the office that exists between home and social venues). This natural social interaction has been replaced by the convenience of working from home.
Now, I’m an extrovert, so being around people fills my cup. And I’ve been around enough introverts to know that it isn’t true for everyone. But I do believe that regardless of personality type, we’re fundamentally wired for connection, and deep interaction shouldn’t be as rare as it’s become.
Digital as Supplement, Not Substitute
Can digital tools replicate in-person connection? To be honest, I hope not, because that would feel tragic.
Yes, video calls are amazing and allow global conversations that weren’t possible years ago. If I could be in a room with you right now, I absolutely would, but the screen allows us to connect when physical presence isn’t possible.
However, nothing replaces the nuances of physical presence. The screen feels like a means to an end, not the priority. When I’m staring at a screen, I’m thinking about getting to the end so I can stop looking at it. When I’m in the presence of great company, I don’t want to leave. I might even refrain from a bathroom break for two hours because I don’t want to get up from the table.
The Competitive Advantage of Effort
The solution isn’t rejecting remote interaction entirely. It’s about being intentional with our communication choices and making space for meaningful connection again.
We need to be okay with doing the “hard thing” again. Getting dressed, driving through traffic, and making time for a proper meeting shouldn’t be deemed hard, but we’ve created an environment where they feel that way because the default is so easy.
The payoff of doing the hard thing is beautiful interactions. And the payoff of beautiful interactions is the ability to make good business. In a world where fewer people are willing to make that extra effort, showing up gives you an unparalleled competitive advantage.